my neighbor and i made small talk.
he is in his late 40s and has cancer.
over the past couple years,
he has gone from looking young and healthy (though a bit pudgy),
to looking old and sick.
after talking, i unlocked the door,
walked inside, locked the door,
turned around, and it all hit me,
like a punch in the gut.
i stood there, still,
in shock, for about two minutes.
terribly amazing how life can fuck you,
and not even have the decency to kiss you first.
he seems to be doing well, though,
i really hope he does.
life and death.
life wants more life,
death wants more death.
i seem to have death on my mind a lot.
sorta like i take it with me wherever i go.
before, i never even really thought about it too much.
i never really feared death or anything.
although both my grandfathers have passed,
death still never seemed to be all that real to me,
and then, all of a sudden, it was all too real.
i just can't understand it.
went to palm springs for the 2nd time this year,
not a fan of the place, but it was alright.